Zombie Jokes

Aaaaaaaiiiiiins Jokes

“I went to the zombie optometrist when they had a sale on 2 for 1 fraaaaaaaaaammmmees”

“The zombie weatherman said today’s forecast will be “raaaaaaiiiiinn”

“My Zombie Financial adviser told me to claim all my capital gaaaaaiiiiinnnnnns”

“Where do zombies like to vacation in Europe? Spaaaaiiiiiiiiinn!”

And who would survive the holidays without some knock knock jokes?

Zombie Knock Knock Jokes

Me: “Knock knock”
You: “Who’s there?”
Me: “Zombie!”
You: “Zombie who?”
Me: “BRAAAAIIINSS!!”

Me: “Knock knock”
You: “Who’s there?”
Me: “The Interrupting Zombie!”
You: “The Interrupting Zom…
Ooop! Me again: “BRAAAIIINNSS!!”

One Liners

What is the difference between zombies and patched jeans?
Zombies are dead men, Jeans are mended.

When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.

What do you call a one inch zombie?
Tomb Thumb

Where do you go when you want to buy a zombie?
To the Mon-Store

What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A MOM-ster

What kind of candy does a zombie refuse to eat?
Lifesavers

What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead-ringer

Where do zombies go swimming?
The Dead Sea

Where do most zombies live?
On dead-end streets

Why did the zombie go crazy?
Because he lost his mind.

Who does a zombie take out for dinner?
His ghoul-friend.

Where is the safest place in your house from a zombie?
The living room.

What does the zombie say during a wrestling match?
Do you want a piece of me???

What do you call a dead bumblebee?
A Zom-Bee

Whats a zombies favorite toy?
A deady bear.

Who won the zombie war?
Nobody, it was a dead tie.

What did the zombie’s friend say when he introduced him to his girlfriend?
Good grief! Where did you dig her up from?

Why did the zombie go to hospital?
He wanted to learn, a few sick jokes.

Where do zombies go for cruises?
The Deaditerranean.

What did the zombie get his medal for?
Deadication.